The older I have got the more I’ve learnt about myself and the more I’ve become myself. I always considered myself outgoing, but I’m really the biggest introvert.
For most of my life I used alcohol to deal with social situations and relationships, now I’ve been sober for years that’s started to become clear. Being intimate with anyone always felt really hard, I felt like I just didn’t know how to act and how to maintain relationships.
Alcohol made me outgoing and seem happy, at times I would still be the sad girl though. I wouldn’t care where the drinks were coming from, I just didn’t care period. I wanted so badly to fit in and not be this broken girl who was depressed and had PTSD.
I didn’t get to have a childhood and learn about adult things from school, I knew too much too young. This made me so confused about relationships and what children should/should not be doing. When I got older I realised a lot of things weren’t right or ok, I understood it was abuse, I just couldn’t deal with it.
My brain has protected me from things because I was too young but it has chosen to empty its secrets this year and I’m still not sure how I feel or how to deal but here I am.
I know I don’t want to be in a relationship, they’ve broken me and make me so unstable, I can’t and don’t want to. I live alone and spend most days in my own company, and that is just fine by me. Some people wonder if I get lonely and pine for social interaction or a relationship, I honestly don’t.
a shy, reticent person.Introvert
Now I’ve accepted that’s who I have always been and that the alcohol was just a mask for all of that I feel a kind of relief. I am content in that regard.
Introverts are more common than you think and not something to be viewed negatively or as a flaw. I actually think in a way it’s very difficult to be happy in your own company and not to need others to achieve happiness. Being truly alone is not something a lot of people can tolerate and are ok with
Whether you’re an introvert or a social butterfly I think it’s important to know yourself and your limits. You should do what is best for your health, not what is expected.
We only get one life and there is always one person who we will spend it with, ourselves. Once you accept yourself as you are and make life work for you the more at peace you will be.
Life is too short to be anything but selfish. We should all make our own kind of “normal”.
Be unashamedly you in all your complexities and eccentricities.
I hope you enjoyed this post.
Let me know what you think in the comments or tweet me @veganbabelife
Thanks for reading!