My sober life is not something I speak about a lot, I want to change that. Getting sober was one of the hardest but also one of the best things I’ve done for myself.
Today I have been sober for 2147 days. Now when I look at that it doesn’t seem like a long time but 5 years, 10 months & 17 days is a long time to someone like me. I feel a mixture of pride and shame though, I’m sure that’s a normal feeling.
I’m thirsty as I write this. It’s cathartic to let the words flow but at the same time, all I can think about is having a drink. It’s like a craving that’s always there.. some days are just better than others.
I can’t even remember the exact moment when I decided to get sober yet I remember drowning my sorrows when grieving loss, drinking liquid courage to get through sexual encounters, downing shots to be fun and just generally being in a haze trying to be able to deal with life.
Looking back it was just like a lightbulb went on and I suddenly decided to call myself on my shit. It wasn’t healthy how I was going on and I needed to take control of my life. I decided to not let alcohol consume me in the same way it did.
For most, your youth, particularly your 20s are supposed to be riddled with booze and bad decisions. I started young but I also quit young. My mind has become so much clearer in the past few years and I remember pretty much everything about the person I used to be and what life was like then.
Things I wasn’t ready to deal with have surfaced and I’ve had so much to process. All without my trusty coping mechanism.
Yes my anxiety and depression has worsened because I actually have to deal with life these days but at least I’m doing it without a drunk smile. I was kidding myself that I was having fun and I was so carefree, I wasn’t I was just numbing myself. Avoidance isn’t the answer, and it doesn’t last.
I’ve not only been on a journey of self discovery but finding things that bring me joy, things I can do with my time that’s not drinking. There are so many fun things you can do without drinking. I like to read, pet have a Netflix binge, pet dogs and have dinner with friends like a lot of people do.
I love being outside when it’s autumn and the ground is covered in a river of gold and copper, the sound of leaves rustling when you walk and feeling the fresh air on your face. Clutching a cup of hot chocolate and feeling the sweet liquid touching your lips and the warmth in your throat when you take a sip.
Alcohol made me miss things and just not pay attention. I didn’t pay attention to life, to myself. Now I’m taking care of me and savouring every sober second of every day.
Fun Without Alcohol
I hate this bullshit conception that you have to drink to have fun and also be fun. I never worried about that aspect of it but I had to see who I was without alcohol.
Drinking does not have to define you and you can be fun without it. I feel like I’m actually doing more living these days and appreciating life’s little pleasures that most people don’t think about.
So what I’m saying to you is this: don’t think you won’t be fun without booze and just miserable all the time. I was miserable then, people just didn’t see my pain. I kept it hidden deep inside, under a boatload of alcohol.
Check out my page dedicated to resources for us sober folk here.
I hope you enjoyed this post.
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Thanks for reading!